THE CONAN WHO SHOULD HAVE BEEN ! by Dave Goode

 

I've got a very short list of actors who I think would have been great portraying Robert E. Howard's barbarian hero Conan of Cimmeria. There's Charles Bronson who may have been too short to play Conan. But may have been just right to play another of Howard's characters, the Pict king Bran Mak Morn. Then there is Jack Palance who was perfect as Attila the Hun in the movie SIGN OF THE PAGAN (1954). It was his performance as Attila that got me thinking that Palance would have been great as Conan. Or even better as King Kull,yet another of Howard's barbarian heroes. And then there's "Big" Bill Smith, the actor/bodybuilder best known for his roles in action flicks playing both heroes and villains.

Smith did play Conan's father in CONAN, THE BARBARIAN (1982). And most critics thought that his brief performance was the best thing about the movie. Ten or fifteen years earlier he would have been great as Conan himself. And in 1982 he would have been great as the older King Conan of Howard's stories The Phoenix On The Sword and The Hour Of The Dragon a. k. a Conan The Conqueror.

I imagine a younger Bill Smith starring in an adaptation of my favorite Howard Conan story Beyond The Black River. And he would have been equally good in A Witch Shall Be Born. Imagine if you will Vincent Price as the mercenary general Constanius the Falcon. And Barbara Steele as the twin sisters Queen Taramis and Salome , the witch of the title. But more importantly imagine Smith as the pantherish Cimmerian in the most famous scene from the Conan series. Fierce!!!

THE PEPLUM QUEEN by Dave Goode

 

No other movie genre featured as many exotically beautiful women as the sinew & sandal genre. If you "like movies about gladiators" then you might be watching them for the various queens, princesses, high priestesses, and slave girls.

There was Sylva Koscina, Sylvia Lopez, Giana Maria Canale, and Wandisa Guisa. Bella Cortez, Jose Greci, Moira Orfei, and her cousin Liana Orfei. And of course there was the incomparable Chelo Alonso (1933-2019).

Born Isabella Apolonia Hernandez she joined Cuba's National Theatre in Havana at 17. She would be dubbed the Cuban H-Bomb by the European press when she became a featured performer at Paris' famed Follies Bergere.

 

 

 

 

 

She would rise to movie stardom as a dancing girl in the movie SHEBA AND THE GLADIATOR (1959) starring Anita Ekberg and Georges Marchal. Oddly enough this was not a "gladiator movie". Not so oddly La Alonso's dance scene steals the picture from star Anita Ekberg.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Her best known films from the sinew & sandal genre were GOLIATH AND THE BARBARIANS (1959), SON OF SAMSON (1960), and ATLAS IN THE LAND OF THE CYCLOPS (1961). She would also appear with Steve Reeves in the swashbuckler MORGAN THE PIRATE (1960). All of these flicks save ATLAS IN THE LAND OF THE CYCLOPS featured an exotic dance number by La Alonso.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Many fan boys have imagined Chelo Alonso portraying La of Opar in a Tarzan movie. But it was writer Frank Schildiner once suggested to me that La Alonso might have made a good Belit in a movie adaptation of Robert E. Howard's story QUEEN OF THE BLACK COAST. Most likely with Steve Reeves playing Conan of Cimmeria.

While on the subject of exotic dancers enjoy the latest Ginger Snaps comic by the team of Dave Goode and Vance Capley.

We make comics!!! on lulu.com and IndyPlanet

 https://indyplanet.com/visual-comics

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/VanceCapley

Who Is She? by Dave Goode

Fans of E.R. Burroughs' Tarzan of the Apes and FANS OF " gladiator movies " probably can't help but notice that there are characters that are familiar to both. Beyond Tarzan and Maciste. I'm talking about the seductive queen/high priestess of some lost city or civilization. Modeled more or less after H.Rider Haggard's Ayesha a.k.a She Who Must Be Obeyed. You can find them in all manner of pulp fiction. Mostly in tales of barbarian heroes like Robert E. Howard's

Conan. 

Another place where you found them was in Tarzan comic book knock-offs. They were all based on Burroughs' La of Opar and Nemone of Cathne.

Lillian Worth played La in the silent film THE ADVENTURES OF TARZAN opposite Elmo Lincoln. The 1921 movie was based on Burroughs' story THE RETURN OF TARZAN. In the 1929 movie TARZAN THE TIGER La was portrayed by Mademoiselle Kithnou. In the 1946 movie TARZAN AND THE LEOPARD WOMAN starring Johnny Weissmuller cult movie star Acqunetta played a character named Lea,the leader of a leopard cult. But she could just as easily have been playing La.

WANDISA GUIDA

CHELO ALONSO

During the 1960s during the peplum movie craze any number of actresses from the sinew & sandal genre were more than capable of playing La or Nemone. Wandisa Guida , Helga Line , Gianna Maria Canalle all would have been great. Chelo Alonso,the undisputed queen of sinew & sandal flicks, would have made a great La. Perhaps opposite Gordon Scott as Tarzan. And then you had Nemone of Cathne from Burroughs' TARZAN AND THE CITY OF GOLD. This was the most Maciste-like of Tarzan adventures.

And I easily imagine Steve Reeves as Tarzan in a movie adaptation with his co-star from HERCULES UNCHAINED, Sylvia Lopez playing the mad queen Nemone.

MIKE HENRY

Former NFL linebacker Mike Henry portrayed Tarzan in three movies in the mid-60s. I think he should have starred in at least one more. An adaptation of TARZAN AND THE JEWELS OF OPAR with cult movie star Martine Beswicke as La , the high priestess/queen of the lost city of Opar.

Martine Beswicke

 

DID YOU LIKE THIS STRIP? YOU CAN SEE MORE GREAT COMICS IN JUDO COMICS BY DAVE GOODE AND ILLUSTRATED BY VANCE CAPLEY. AVAILABLE AT LULU.COM. GET YOURS TODAY BY CLICKING HERE! ^^^^^

Big Bill, the Barbarian by Dave Goode

     

   
  Back in the early 1970s when Marvel Comics began publishing the adventures of Robert E.Howard's barbarian anti-hero Conan as comic books I thought the perfect actor to play the character in a movie would have been William Smith. I had known "Big Bill" as Joe Reilly , the strong as an ox Texas Ranger on the television series LAREDO. And for his roles in various biker flicks. I obviously wasn't the only person who thought so. Because in 1982 when Conan was brought to life on the big screen Arnold Schwarzenegger portrayed him. But Big Bill was cast as his father. Many ,including myself ,think that his performance as Conan's dad was the best thing about the film.

 

  

   I could easily imagine Smith playing the older Conan in adaptations of Howard's stories BEYOND THE BLACK RIVER and HOUR OF THE DRAGON. Nor is it hard to imagine a younger Smith starring in an adaptation of A WITCH SHALL BE BORN. This story contains the most famous scene from Howard's Conan stories. One that was used in the 1982 movie. But didn't have the same context.

    





  


Aside from Big Bill as Conan I imagine Vincent
Price as the mercenary leader Constantius, the Falcon. And in the dual role of the twin sisters Queen Taramis and Salome , the witch of the title , Barbara Steele.