Who Is She? by Dave Goode

Fans of E.R. Burroughs' Tarzan of the Apes and FANS OF " gladiator movies " probably can't help but notice that there are characters that are familiar to both. Beyond Tarzan and Maciste. I'm talking about the seductive queen/high priestess of some lost city or civilization. Modeled more or less after H.Rider Haggard's Ayesha a.k.a She Who Must Be Obeyed. You can find them in all manner of pulp fiction. Mostly in tales of barbarian heroes like Robert E. Howard's

Conan. 

Another place where you found them was in Tarzan comic book knock-offs. They were all based on Burroughs' La of Opar and Nemone of Cathne.

Lillian Worth played La in the silent film THE ADVENTURES OF TARZAN opposite Elmo Lincoln. The 1921 movie was based on Burroughs' story THE RETURN OF TARZAN. In the 1929 movie TARZAN THE TIGER La was portrayed by Mademoiselle Kithnou. In the 1946 movie TARZAN AND THE LEOPARD WOMAN starring Johnny Weissmuller cult movie star Acqunetta played a character named Lea,the leader of a leopard cult. But she could just as easily have been playing La.

WANDISA GUIDA

CHELO ALONSO

During the 1960s during the peplum movie craze any number of actresses from the sinew & sandal genre were more than capable of playing La or Nemone. Wandisa Guida , Helga Line , Gianna Maria Canalle all would have been great. Chelo Alonso,the undisputed queen of sinew & sandal flicks, would have made a great La. Perhaps opposite Gordon Scott as Tarzan. And then you had Nemone of Cathne from Burroughs' TARZAN AND THE CITY OF GOLD. This was the most Maciste-like of Tarzan adventures.

And I easily imagine Steve Reeves as Tarzan in a movie adaptation with his co-star from HERCULES UNCHAINED, Sylvia Lopez playing the mad queen Nemone.

MIKE HENRY

Former NFL linebacker Mike Henry portrayed Tarzan in three movies in the mid-60s. I think he should have starred in at least one more. An adaptation of TARZAN AND THE JEWELS OF OPAR with cult movie star Martine Beswicke as La , the high priestess/queen of the lost city of Opar.

Martine Beswicke

 

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Valley of the Dolls...a Guilty Pleasure by Dave Goode

 

You'd think that someone who openly admits his love of all manner of B , C and D movies wouldn't have any guilty pleasures. But I do. And Valley of the Dolls is at the top of that list.

Based on Jacqueline Susann's 1966 best-selling roman à clef trash-fest the movie may have been more over the top than the novel. And deserves it's reputation as a camp classic. Directed by Mark Robson with a screenplay by Helen Deutsch the movie tells the story of three young women and their rise and fall in show business.Harlan Ellison also had a part in writing the movie. But had his name removed from the credits when the film's downbeat ending was changed.

RARE JUDY GARLAND STILL

The movie stars Patty Duke as Neely O'Hara, Barbara Parkins as Anne Welles and the beautiful and tragic Sharon Tate as Jennifer North. Half the fun in watching this movie is guessing who the characters are based on. For instance the Neely O'Hara character is based on Judy Garland. Garland originally was hired to play Helen Lawson ,the character who was based on Ethel Merman and played by Susan Hayward after Garland was fired for coming to work drunk.

SUSAN HAYWARD

JUDY GARLAND ON THE POSTER

PATTY DUKE

Patty Duke caught a lot of flack from critics for her performance as Neely when the movie was released. And when you win an Oscar for best supporting actress when you're only sixteen I guess a lot is expected of you. I actually enjoy her over the top performance in Valley of the Dolls. And the scene where she wakes up from a drunken stupor in a hot sheets hotel room with a skid row stud is great. The look of disgust on her face when she realizes what she ,the biggest star in movies ,has just done should have earned her another academy award nomination.

LINDSAY LOHAN in better days

For a time when it looked like Lindsay Lohan was still serious about getting her career back together I thought a remake of Valley of the Dolls would have been perfect for her. She could play Neely O'Hara in her sleep. After all she had been rehearsing for it all her life. Then I started to imagine an adaptation of Susann's book with Lohan playing all three of the female leads. With different hair colors of course. You could even throw Mariah Carey in as Helen Lawson. Now that would have been a camp classic.

...and bad days.

 

VALLEY OF THE DOLLS  directed by Mark Robson. Based on the novel of the same name by Jacqueline Susann. PG-13 1967 available on various formats.